equilibrium?

Sir Isaac Newton's Third Law of Motion states, "For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction."

I've been reacting quite a bit these last sixteen days. I had to stop and think about that before I typed it. It feels like a year has passed. Yesterday, it dawned on me just how heavily this has been sitting on me. I've absorbed two pretty major hits and I'm still standing. I credit my faith and gift of calm in a crisis, but it's definitely wearing on me. For all the reacting, I need to make sure I keep acting equally and opposite.

It will sound cliche, but I need to get off my arse and out of the house while I can. I am sure it will boost my energy and my strength and is most likely the reason all these doctors keep encouraging me to get a little exercise beforehand. I just need to do it smart and not push myself too hard. It wasn't much more than a year ago that, even with a bum knee, I hiked the gorge beneath Ben Nevis to the glen of Steall Falls. -THAT- was a rough go so I have an idea what my limits are.

Today I learned the liver biopsy last Friday came back negative. This was short-lived though as Dr. Lee outlined to me Dr. Morton had essentially reported he was not able to find any lesions to sample last week. They just weren't showing up on the CT machine I was test piloting. Sooooo, Dr. Lee would like me to get another biopsy; this one from my lung. :(

I don't know exactly when that will happen only that I've asked for it to be the week of the 14th. I'll have to get twilighted for this as well as the porta-cath, but at least this time around I can -use- the porta-cath; that goes in next Thursday. It just didn't sound smart getting anesthetized twice the same week so I asked to push it back. Dr. Lee agreed. But, she wants to be absolutely certain we're dealing with metastatic disease so it's a biopsy. Another 'no' from my lung could mean an adjustment in my chemo and possibly a lot less worry. And duh, it could be a 'yes' too, but you guys didn't see the sizes of the little yellow blobs on the PET scan films. (The lung blob was a pixel or two, but the liver blobs were pretty big. Go figure.)

I'll be on chemo and a few days into radiation by the time of biopsy number two. Or three I guess thinking back all those long days ago.

Can I just say how ready I am for this to be over? I really do not like the anticipation. This is like the worst needle you ever knew was coming. Yeah, I need to stay active if not try to raise my activity level to get ready for this but I just wish I knew how bad it was going to be. Kinda like sensing the plane has started to slow down and you just know we'll be landing soon. I just haven't been on this kind of flight before so it's a little more scary than normal.

But from the good news department, the chemo pills for me are actually on Kaiser's formulary. Not only will I not have to get IV chemo, but the $5000 pills (yes, five thousand dollars) are only costing me my $10 copay. Color me stunned.