spinning

Last night was tough. It is a relief to be home, but it took so much energy to get here that I think I've lost something. Sleep came in small chunks and various contortions but my dreams were horrifying. I kept floating through some sort of clandestine backwoods surgery where doctors were strung up on bungee cords being threatened to perform procedures or be shot. I didn't know if I was one of the patients or one of these terrorist dudes just that I was scared to death and I could do nothing to force my mind to more pleasant things. I emptied my ostomy bag several times through the night and Jody snuck away to sleep elsewhere at some point. I wavered from freezing to stiffling. At one point I put my head down by my feet and curled up with Hurley and it was the most calm sleep I got all night. I'm not sure what I'll do, but I just pray for some normal pattern.

In the world of the awake, I have an appointment today with a home care nurse in just another two hours. I have a followup with Dr. Grasso next week to have the staples removed. I see Dr. Lee on the 18th for a visit and will visit Nurse Simpson back at GBMC on the 19th to report how I'm getting along with the bag.

Speaking of the bag, it will be with me a bit longer than first expected. I see where Jody learned why, but I learned why differently. It was a blow for sure and pushes my dreams of track driving my Bimmer back to the end of next season instead of the beginning. I'm just thankful for the success Dr. Grasso had with the j-pouch and I got the feeling he was thinking of me and the car when he put in those extra hours to avoid a permanent ileostomy... that would have sentenced me to the grandstands.

I need to call CIGNA to start the long-term disability process that will certainly kick in now that the surgery has dictated a longer calendar. Jody and I will need to prepare for the impact to our budget and adjust accordingly.

Realize some of this is just me being methodical and staying focused through some really weird sensations and unusual pain. Tylenol does a little good, but these weird muscle pulls and constant indigestion are persistent. I feel like I could use a good belch almost all the time. It's probably a sign of hunger so I'm going to get some breakfast and get ready for the home care nurse.

Please, say a prayer of thanks with me today. I am so happy to be home, even in this shape. I am just thankful to be on the other side and heading -out- of the woods instead of deeper in.