Thursday, May 21, 2009

fingers crossed

A quick post to refresh the blog before work today.

Yesterday I went in for a CT scan. I chose to go back to the same imaging facility up at St. Joe's in Towson so I'd have two in a row from the same place. This is me plotting/planning ahead for the news that, sorry Mr. Scofield, but you still have cancer.

I want to say, "eh," but it just makes sense to think this way. it sounds hopeless i know, but the pragmatist in me takes over. I'm happy having a plan instead of just hoping... but that doesn't mean I have no hope. ;)

If I'm still sick, the second set of images from the same lab will give me something useful to show the doctors at Franklin Square. Thinking ahead, that will give them something to compare to in reconsidering me for Cyberknife. If I am still sick, perhaps now the lesions are small enough for them to think they have a stab at them. Bad pun intended.

And if not, I've got all the forms for the NIH study so I'm in position to make a move on that front too.

I know the better analogy is chess, but I don't play chess. Instead, I picture it like finding a slower car ahead but not really having a place to pass for a few corners. I know what I've got and I have a very good idea of what lays ahead. I reel that car in close enough to let him know I want by. There's no pressure; I don't have to shovel him through every corner. It's time to relax a little even in a technical section... and when I get a chance to pass, I'm right where I should be to make it happen. Meanwhile, check the flags, hit the marks, and tap out a little thank you with my fingertips as Patience pays off.

To close today, I'd like to ask anyone reading to pray for Jody today and over the next little while. She's been painted into a corner at work and struggling to meet some deadlines that are neither reasonable nor flexible. It's unfair and she's killing herself to do the best she can but missing the date seems inevitable; the work that needs to be finished won't be done on time and there are technical problems conspiring to further seal the bum deal. She takes a tremendous amount of pride in her work so not finishing is bad enough. Unreasonable customers and management who cannot bend are not helping in the least.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Another milestone

Good afternoon, all.

Thanks go to Tina R. whose comments today jogged me into making a new post. I have a little bit to share, the least of which is today is the last day of chemo! :D

Believe me, I am glad to be stopping the stuff. I don't have any foolish notions of guzzling a gallon of milk any time soon, but I can say I did get to try some soy-substitute dairy product that didn't kill me. Jody paid a visit to Trader Joe's recently and came home with these mini chocolate ice cream sandwiches that are hella good. They're about the size of a deck of cards so they help portion control too which is good because I'm also weighing in (yesterday) at 236lbs.

It's getting kinda bad... first my pants were too big and now it's my shirts!

Yesterday was a checkup with Dr. Lee and we discussed a few things. First up, I'll be getting a fresh CT scan on Friday afternoon to see how well this batch of chemo has done. Desperately hoping for No Evidence of Disease, but I'm a Realist. We shall see.

I'd love very little less in my life to be out of the treatment stage finally. Planning ahead though, we talked about the NIH thang and maybe getting my broken port removed. If the scan comes back and says I need more chemo, we go from there... but we may get a chance to have Franklin Square reconsider me for Cyberknife (which drove my decision to get a second scan at their facility to help grease those skids just in case). If Cyberknife is still a no go, I'm going to pursue the NIH trial. I'd held off on responding to NIH right away out of concern for wasting their time, but Dr. Lee encouraged me to move on it now and let them worry about their time being wasted.

So there's that paperwork to fill out and a ridiculously invasive questionaire from work about my finances that I'm waiting until the very last day to submit. I am finally getting an assistant I think may stick around longer than a month... right AFTER I needed one. I've proven I can do my job... all by myself... working only half days... while sucking down poison pills. Lower case "boo yah."

And that's not all. I've killed myself doing several things lately I wouldn't have dreamed of.

Those of you who follow Jody's blog know she was excited to be a part of the Gatorade RePlay football game between her alma mater, Easton Area High School, and cross-river rivals Phillipsburg. I had a good time too but was really hurting by the time we got home.

I chipped away at stuff around the house during a weeks' worth of rain until mustering the courage to try mowing the grass. That was a big mistake and I only got a fraction of it done. My allergies reminded me that I spent most of last Spring cooped up in the house safe from all the pollen... :a-choo!:

Indoors again and trying not to let sniffles turn into an infection, I put my head down against our home network and pounded out a correct rule for the firewall to let Jody's VPN pass through. She is muuuuch happier now and I no longer have to duck underneath a hundred-foot long ethernet cable strung up in our foyer and living room. ;)