Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Me and My Big Mouth

Good evening, all. I feel lousy.

It's the start of round 3 and I'm pretty sure I jinxed myself bad this time. You see, last Thursday I got an iron drip. It was a different formulas and though I was seriously scared going (after that first iron experience) it went well and I had been feeling great. Yesterday ,I went into work. :gasp: Like I said, I was feeling great and I wanted to drop in for a visit so I had lunch with Dad and Richie and warmed the chair at my desk for afew hours. I shared my plan to let the long-term disability thing happen and get back to work early in March. Chemo this week couldn't possibly go as bad as before... I've got new iron in me!

Well, that doesn't seem to be the case. I'm struggling right now with a really weird shakiness on my left side and my old friends, The Bubblies, percolating in my tummy. Food isn't helping like it did before. I'm making more typos than ever just writing the post so thank you, Firefox, for the built-in spell checker.

'Serves me right for just saying I'm not getting my hopes up but not actually keeping my hopes from getting up. I really thought the iron would be a factor. Who knows, maybe it will shorten the lousiness? I could live with that, but I think it's just going to be like so many of my chemo friends who have good rounds and bad ones no matter what. For what it's worth, this is 25% done.

Chemo tech Brenda told me my iron numbers did improve which was a little surprise. I didn't think they'd check right away or that things would improve so soon. This was offset with news that my white cell count wasn't so great and Dr. Lee wants me to get a series of three shots to bump me back up. The chemo knocks it down every round so this may become a routine thing. Again, not really a surprise based upon the experiences I've heard from others. As I was telling my pal Clarence yesterday, it's a good thing I've grown pretty indifferent to needles. I used to be a big chicken about them. Go figure.

I hesitate again because it feels selfish, but I really need to ask for some prayers. The chemo is enough on its own, but the gauntlet with my disability benefits and the lonely hours at home have been getting to me. A lot. I need just a little more patience to just let the disability changes happen before I can get back to work. Hearing that it might be postponed even more has not helped because I'm just so anxious to be doing something useful other than sitting home alone waiting for the next doctors appointment. So, more patience for me or just an easy transition and no more waiting... or both, please. ;)


Nittany Knits said...

Alex's grades were up this go round, so he is cleared to come on over and hang with you after school before your wife can come home to relieve the boredom. Just let me know when you want to hang with him!

James said...

There are constructive ways to use that time Sco. You could always find a little project to work on that is not hard on your energy. your an engineer, im sure there is at least one thing you been putting off that you wanted to work on in your spare time.

I am sorry I have not come to visit, it has been a rough month for me in other ways. I will give you a call this week if I can find a good time.

Jana G said...

You've got my prayers, good wishes and positive energy headed your way. And for small projects, Jody could always teach you how to knit...

tinkknitz said...

Fatigue and being home bound sucks don't it, and I soooo get the Firefox comment. (reminds me, I need to update the brain blog...) You're on my mind every morning.

Nick/zaxonortesus said...

Hey Man, you are in our prayers, and if you need some company, drop me an Email or an IM on vortex and I can stop by. We just picked up an 08 GTI for Trina, so it might be nice to pick your brain on some mk5 info!!! ;-)