Tuesday, July 7, 2009

it gets worse

So, 'last post was a downer. Sorry, but this one is too. Feel free to stop reading now.

My CEA is back up. That's a very good indication I'm heading back to chemo and there is nothing I can do about it. I can pray, I can think positive thoughts, I can sacrifice a goat... won't change a thing. :(

Crossed with all of the other crap happening in my life, I am seriously considering stopping treatment. I hate to say it but I honestly do not know what I am still fighting for. This is NOT even close to worth it. :'(


Ryan said...

I've read some clinical research that seems to indicate that CEA isn't really the gold standard that many make it out to be. It provides some statistical indication but is far from a benchmark, it seems.

Are you still doing 5-FU or are they talking about putting you back on Oxaliplatin or Irinotecan?

You've been at this particular cancer longer than I have and of course everyone has a different experience. I don't think I'd want to give up yet though. Try to be positive or at least neutral and roll with the shitty punches that life gives you. That's what I've been doing for quite some time now.

Wendy said...

Hey there Sco - Wendy here. Just wanted to say that the Lord put you on my heart and mind yesterday afternoon. I wasn't sure why at the time, but when I read your blog (which was posted about the same time I felt God speaking to me about you), I now know why. Please don't ever think you should stop treatment. You've come a long way - and there are a lot of folks still praying for you. God is in control - and you need to keep pressing forward. I know your boxing gloves are tattered and worn - but you can still throw those punches - so keep getting in the ring and keep fighting! OK?

Laurie said...

Hello, Sco! You don't know me, but you know my nephew, Ryan.

I'm writing because I was inspired by your analogy of being in the correct position ... ready for the next move on the race track. I just thought I'd remind you that you are the one who wrote it and sent it into this universe. Please don't forget it and reposition yourself again and maybe tap some fingers while being patient. By the way, I know nothing about racing laps, but you did make it a good writing. It's gotta be worth remembering for the sake of your loved ones and your purpose here.

Okay ... nice meeting you. Be your words, Sco.


Beth said...

I can't imagine how discouraging all the setbacks are for you. I do know though that God is bigger than all of this. He does have a plan for you and it isn't to harm you. I don't know what that plan is and it's not my place to know. Please don't let the demons of discouragement, despair, or doubt take hold. You've NEVER been one to give up at anything!

Remember the roller coaster analogy you posted at the very beginning of this journey? Now, you're on the 400 ft. drop. There IS an "up" before this ride ends and it levels out at the platform where you get off this crazy ride. I convinced you of that many years ago and you haven't stopped riding since! Don't quit now. You mean too much to too many people!

Call and vent if you need to. Better yet? Come see me and vent in person!

Love you!