Thursday, December 6, 2007

spinning

Last night was tough. It is a relief to be home, but it took so much energy to get here that I think I've lost something. Sleep came in small chunks and various contortions but my dreams were horrifying. I kept floating through some sort of clandestine backwoods surgery where doctors were strung up on bungee cords being threatened to perform procedures or be shot. I didn't know if I was one of the patients or one of these terrorist dudes just that I was scared to death and I could do nothing to force my mind to more pleasant things. I emptied my ostomy bag several times through the night and Jody snuck away to sleep elsewhere at some point. I wavered from freezing to stiffling. At one point I put my head down by my feet and curled up with Hurley and it was the most calm sleep I got all night. I'm not sure what I'll do, but I just pray for some normal pattern.

In the world of the awake, I have an appointment today with a home care nurse in just another two hours. I have a followup with Dr. Grasso next week to have the staples removed. I see Dr. Lee on the 18th for a visit and will visit Nurse Simpson back at GBMC on the 19th to report how I'm getting along with the bag.

Speaking of the bag, it will be with me a bit longer than first expected. I see where Jody learned why, but I learned why differently. It was a blow for sure and pushes my dreams of track driving my Bimmer back to the end of next season instead of the beginning. I'm just thankful for the success Dr. Grasso had with the j-pouch and I got the feeling he was thinking of me and the car when he put in those extra hours to avoid a permanent ileostomy... that would have sentenced me to the grandstands.

I need to call CIGNA to start the long-term disability process that will certainly kick in now that the surgery has dictated a longer calendar. Jody and I will need to prepare for the impact to our budget and adjust accordingly.

Realize some of this is just me being methodical and staying focused through some really weird sensations and unusual pain. Tylenol does a little good, but these weird muscle pulls and constant indigestion are persistent. I feel like I could use a good belch almost all the time. It's probably a sign of hunger so I'm going to get some breakfast and get ready for the home care nurse.

Please, say a prayer of thanks with me today. I am so happy to be home, even in this shape. I am just thankful to be on the other side and heading -out- of the woods instead of deeper in.

6 comments:

James said...

Hey man, glad to read you are home! It's been a crazy week here with work so I just have not had the time to make the trip up since you where admited.

Chin up, and be strong. Let me know if I can do anthing to help.

Steve's Mom said...

John - This is Steven's mom. I watch for your comments all the time now. PATIENCE and PRAYERS!! I'm posting something I hope will help you and others. It has helped me over an ordeal this past year. http://www.takingabreather.com/Hi%20Speed%20Breather/presentationHS.htm
Just take the time to HEAL now and be patient. Your friends are there to HELP you and Jody - LET THEM !!
Your dreams - expected and typical - after 30 yrs of teaching, now I am on 'sabbatical'. I dream of being in front of a classroom and not knowing what to do or say! If you didn't have the dreams you are having - THEN it would be time to worry. Its your Spirit telling you "I want to get back to ME." Just let it be - and boy, I know how difficult it is to swallow that.
Love and Healing Prayers -
KarenS

SnohoTina said...

John, you don't know me...I live in Washington State and came across Jody's blog on the day of your surgery when searching out blogs on knitting.

I've had a family member go through cancer treatment and felt compelled to check back on your blog to see how you are doing.

Though I'm a stranger to you, I wanted you to know that your blog is touching more lives than you originally intended. I have an 8 mo old son and will celebrate my 40th birthday in a few weeks. Your brave battle against the Cancer Beast has reminded me to take each day and love it for what it is.

You are well down the path of taming this beast and it looks like you have a wonderful army to support you.

Take each moment, each day as they come and remember that is one moment/day of pain behind you.

Tien-Seng said...

Glad to see you're home.

Anonymous said...

John,

Hang in there man. We're all praying for it to get better for you!..I can't believe you out of the Hospital as quick as that after having your inards scrammbled! I don't know many who could be so strong. But time marches on. Take it easy and you'll be out on track in that old bimmer before you know it!

Dan

tinkknitz said...

Nightmares? Shall I tell you the one about the razorblades in my head???? We're gonna be okay John, at least we are still dreaming. Here's hoping they're a bit sweeter by now.