:boom:

Today was the day I'd had enough. I've been biting my tongue and laughing off a lot lately so today I fought back.

Yesterday was Doctor Day for the week and I repeated my request to see if the radiation field cannot be reduced. Dr. Linder said it was possible but not recommended for the same reasons Dr. Cheston had said it wasn't possible and not recommended. At this point in my treatment, the side effects are having a greatly increasing negative impact on my quality of life. Dr. Linder said it could be a week before I'd notice any change but also said the effects would last a few weeks after treatment was finished. I was told at the beginning that I'd be monitored and my treatment would be adjusted so today I'm cashing that chip in. I've requested that both doctors consult with one another and consider altering my exposure field so that I can start feeling better in a week instead of in four weeks. The tumor is most definitely shrinking and I feel it is not out of bounds to ask them to refocus the energy to keep hitting it and as little else as they can.

Today I was supposed to get a biopsy taken of whatever the little shadow was in my right lung on the PET scan. Emphasis on was.

Weeks ago the liver biopsy had come back negative and Dr. Lee wanted me to get my lung checked. I was told this one would be more conclusive because the surgeon would use a scope to actually look at what he/she was going to sample. The liver biopsy had been guided by an active CT scan but the surgeon then had admitted in his report that he had seen no lesions on my liver during the scan and had effectively been sampling me blind. When it came to light today that he (same surgeon) would be doing -another- CT-guided scan to sample my lung, I panicked.

I protested immediately and said I thought I was going to be anesthetized and that the biopsy would actually be taken only from a lesion that could be seen with the surgeon's eyes. "No, that;s not us. We don't do that here." Well then, I'm not doing this here either.

For starters, I was already against having this second biopsy done. It was based upon a very faint little blue blob in my right lung nowhere near as brightly shown as what my liver had been. Regardless of the results of the biopsy, my therapy would not change. I am already taking chemo as if I have stage 4 cancer so that any mets disease would be poisoned and killed before it can get going. A negative result would not reduce my chemo nor shorten my radiation and chemo regimen. A positive result won't increase them either. I will have to be PET scanned after surgery in any event. This is not to mention the hassle of fasting for another day while already weak and having to suck down chemo to make me even weaker without any food for fuel to just stay awake or walk into the hospital. This biposy was a waste of my time, a waste of my insurance benefits, a waste of the surgeon's time, and too late in my regimen to make a difference.

I apologized to the surgeon, but I told him I had no confidence he would find anything. If the cought that started this whole mess had been caused by mets in my right lung, guess what? It's gone now. I was not interested in laying awake through another blindfolded pin the tail on the Sco procedure.

Meanwhile, I now know I will be checking in to GBMC for surgery on Thursday, November 29th. That most likely keeps me in the hospital though the weekend and probably the better half of the first week of December. I also believe the surgery with be laproscopic and not terribly invasive. I will make absolutely sure of this with Dr. Grasso beforehand so that I am not surprised again like I was today.

silly rabbit...

So the FiOS guy came today and all is right with the world. The weather and traffic widgets are totally awesome though I already have some suggestions for improving them. I watched too many sci-fi shows as a child.

I was also able to very easily defeat the built-in wireless that the technician said would be impossible. Tambien, extending the "router" to my existing home network was a snap; another impossible task I couldn't do. Honestly, I think I will ask Verizon if they will replace their over-featured device with a simple modem. That's all I need it to do and all I have it doing right now... even though they said it wouldn't do it. :ahem:

I am feeling pretty good though I will drop to my knees tomorrow and beg for the radiation field to be adjusted slightly. I understand they want to shoot all of the tumor and then some, but the then some is still leaving me shaking and in tears. I have upped my oxycodone with no ill effects, but I will probably need a refill before this is over with. The round the clock pain has been diminished this way and through all of the prayers you guys have been sending up with me. I really think a small adjustment from the radiologist is not out of the question.

Meanwhile, the FiOS life is good. I need to test drive the DVR to make sure it records and then make sure it will play back on both itself and the other tuner box up in the bedroom. I know some do not like the TV guide, bu I think it looks great (esp. compared to Comcast' 8-bit low res graphics with half-cooked program descriptions). I also need to program the Harmony remote to drive the Verizon box the way it drove the Comcast box. That's the last thing on the list now that the network is hunky dory. The speed is great too... I ordered the lowest bandwidth package and it is every bit as fast as Comcast. I sooooo cannot wait to hand in those boxes and close out account tomorrow. :sigh:

update and a specific request

I owe you guys an update though nothing major has really happened. I've hit a bit of a routine now though I can tell things are changing slowly, surely, for the better, and a little for the worse.

The weekend was great. I got to get out in the garage and tinker with the BMW for a while. My pal Steven dropped by to borrow my brake tools and swap pads on his GTI. We ran into a bit of a snag as the car was being finished up that was ultimately fixed today with only some anxiety and $60 worth of taps and dies from Harbor Freight.

Sunday was equally great. Dad and I enjoyed some time out together in Little Italy to soak in some rolling Italian art from the famed scuderias of Ferrari, Lamborghini, Alfa Romeo, Fiat, Maserati, and a striking prototipo from Bizzarini. Most of Stiles Street was closed down for beautiful cars on display to help raise money for a children's school/charity. The weather was great and both of us took it easy admiring the cars. I'd like to see more of those machines on track in the future... shrinking away in my rearview mirrors. :P

Monday sucked. Not as badly as last Wednesday, but it was not a good day without much effort. It was Doctor Day again and I got to meet with Dr. Cheston. I gave her an update on the progress I can feel is happening. I also got to deliver the plea I'd been rehearsing in my head since late last week as one particular side effect has grown steadily worse. I've had some very specific pain that I was hoping... begging... could be mitigated by possibly adjusting the exposure field.

This leads to a specific prayer request I'd like to put out there. You see, the radiation field has to necessarily be broad enough to fry the tumor but also cook anything spreading. They're cutting it as close as they can but, and I hate to be graphic, they're also hitting my anus. The skin is very sensitive and the therapy is very much like getting a bad sunburn. I've had to try keeping the skin down there in good shape with moisturizer and topical cream the radiologist has recommended. The cocoa butter regimen did nothing to help and I'm afraid may have acted like tanning lotion instead so I am -not- using that again until I'm done with the exposures. Meanwhile, I've been feeling like someone put a hot bbq coal in my shorts and has been feeding me buffalo wings and vindaloo morning, noon, and night. Razors. Fire. Hot lava. And yeah, I'm not trying to be graphic.

So yes, I really want to pray for some relief.

I've been given Oxycodone and am giving it a try this evening. So far so good and the constant pain down below has improved. It's still there but it's not thumping with every heartbeat. My bathroom visits are still bringing me near tears and leaving me a little shaky. I've also got a 'script for good old fashioned hydrocortisone suppositories that are gross but hopefully helpful. Three more weeks downhill from here are really making me worried. :(

two down, four to go

I'm sorry I left that last post hanging there at the top for too long. I have been really really tired and my fuse has been shorter than Hurley or Bailey's tails. It is clear to me I need to spread out the things I have to pay attention to so that they don't pile up on me like that.

Thursday was better as was yesterday. Without getting too graphic, the therapies are working and I'm a lot more 'regular' though I've got some side effects to contend with. Women whom have delivered babies recommend cocoa butter for the dryness and cracked skin and I am giving it a try.

Meanwhile, a small collection of tools not belonging to James came out of his toolchest yesterday and will be returned to Induktion asap. Hopefully they have not been missed this week. I need to get my toolchest out of the car too and make sure all of mine came home with no extras thrown in. I may try to get the heater core out today too since it looks like an easy pull.

venting

It's 3:20am and I'm up because I woke up remembering that I hadn't taken my Xeloda last night. I turned on the laptop to check to see if I should take them anyway but Roche says no, just get back on schedule and tell my doctor.

Yesterday sucked so bad. I couldn't wake up and folded early letting Jody drive me to radiation. I had enough sense to take my pills with me for the wait in between while we had a bagel, but then left my phone sitting at the Bagel Bin. The 1" Power Port needles were all gone so my first genuine use of the port didn't happen. I wound up giving blood samples out of my left arm any way and wondering why they hell I even got the damned port. I'm not taking drip chemo (which I should be thankful for instead of bitching) nor do I have to carry a pump like other people.

We managed to get Jody's truck dropped off and within the hour got the obligatory are-you-an-idiot call from Mr. Tire claiming they "noticed" the truck needs over $600 worth of front brakes. Even in my sleepy stupor I'm not that stupid. I told the con artist for that kind of money I can put five sets of brakes on that truck and he was NOT authorized to work on the brakes. I swear, I want to scream at someone for this. It's Mr. TIRE, dumbass, not Mr. BRAKES.

This is of course while I'm trying to sleep but can't fall asleep and Verizon might be showing up. I checked again because I was sure they were a day late and should have come on Tuesday. I WAS RIGHT so I called Verizon to find out why they had missed their 8am-5am window for the original re-schedule. Jody had been fielding calls from some tech who said he would need to get inside the house to install boxes... but no fiber had been installed. I explained this to the schmuck on the phone that until a FIBER was actually buried in the yard, no tech would be able to install anything... a day late or not. Was a MONTH not long enough since the order had been placed to get this done? Get it done today or consider this order cancelled.

Within two hours the yard was filled with Verizon subcontractors, none of whom spoke English. To their credit they had the fiber under the street and buried in the yard with a very clean box at the edge of our yard. Comcast could learn a few things from these guys.

This is followed by a 4:30pm wakeup call from Verizon techs at the door who want "four to six hours" inside the house. I'm nearly broken down at this point and I explain I do not have the energy to let them in and corral the dogs. Can they just leave the boxes for me to plug in? No. They have to install stuff in the basement and blah and blah and blah and I just ask if they can reschedule. I explain I'm on chemo and I'm dead right now and I just don't have four to six hours of anything to give them... and that four to six hours should be scheduled to END within their ridiculous 8am to 5pm window. They say they'll come back tomorrow (today) but we've got another email scheduling us for install on the 30th.

A month and a half? That's how long it's going to take from order to actual service?

I've had it at this point and I collapse back in bed and just cry for half an hour. The dogs don't know what's wrong with me and I feel like crap. Meanwhile, I've left a burner on down in the kitchen, thankfully without a pot on top of it. Jody gets home, finds this, and I just cry even more. Now I'm afraid I won't be able to cook for myself if I'm home alone. I'm losing my mind. :'(

a very good day

I spoke too soon about the FiOS line, but that'll get worked out.

Meanwhile, the BMW was treated to a dozen guys poring over the suspension and brakes for a whirlwind makeover. She must have known what was coming though, like an excited puppy, she wet herself springing a coolant leak in the heater core -and- a fuel leak from above the fuel tank. The guys took on the jobs for the day and transformed my dust-collecting hulk into a near track-ready Q ship. There are still things to do, but those are for me once I get well again. :oh yes:

Here are some action photos...

C'mon, Sco! Make some engine sounds!

Normally I wouldn't notice, but just watch what happens to that wheel gap...

And they're off... the car is hoisted high and major suspension surgery begins









Ready to roll! (mostly)

Do you think I look happy?


My most sincere thanks to James and Jeremy for rallying the troops within hours of me emailing my bad news and asking if anyone would take the car off my hands. Ed Fuhrman is a gentleman and a scholar for opening the doors of his shop, Induktion Motorsports, and letting my pals use the space and the lift. Said pals were David, Mike, Steven, Matthew, Ian, Steve, Jason, Yun, and Anand. I know there were others who couldn't make it for various reasons but your encouragement was felt just the same.

You guys have no idea what keeping this little car means to me. I am forever in your debt above and beyond the free point-by coupons you'll be getting for events next year. I really love you guys and you are each a testimony to selflessness I hope I can measure up to. I hope you had fun or maybe learned a little about something you may have worked on. I look forward to seeing you guys in the paddock from behind the wheel once again and for a long time to come. :sniff:

BANG!

Well more like :whump: but here I am on my last day of work. I got rear-ended... in my car, thank you... on my way home from Day Five's morning radiation treatment.

First things first, I am okay. I was shook up to say the least but the dude who hit me was so sans clue. He just wanted to apologize and drive away.

I was having none of that and immediately asked for his insurance card. He didn't have one. Can I see your license? It's from Georgia. The tags are from Maryland. Great. I try my hardest to scratch down his name and identifying info while calling the police. They're sending a car so I quickly light up my phone to take some pictures. I hate camera phone pictures but something is better than nothing; especially since this guys has nothing to show me that he's insured. He wants to move his car and keeps asking me what he should do. I tell him he's free to do anything he likes but I am not moving until the police arrive. He follows my lead.

Ultimately one of Howard County's finest arrives and it is clear who hit whom. The cars are scratched up and my plate cover is smashed but we've seen worse on city cars barraged by parallel parking mishaps. He is insured and the MVA registration reveals the company and policy number. I call when I get home and they're taking full responsibility. :whew:

I did change all my outgoing messages to long term yesterday before I left figuring I would spend today downloading a lot of experience with one piece of code to the fellow whom is picking up after me. I called him and we had a quick chat about what's what and agreed I'm just going to stay home today until the shakiness wears off. Meanwhile, my next post won't be brought to you by Comcast... we're anticipating a visit from the Verizon FiOS guys sometime before 5pm today. :D